A question I have grown to hate

"How are you doing?" My instant response is "okay". Then my mind starts screaming "YOU ARE NOT OKAY! YOU ARE BROKEN." But what does everyone want to hear, no one wants to hear that my body is torturing me, my heart is ripped in two, my breasts are filled with milk that I can not feed my baby, my hips ache with each step, I don't sleep at night because all I do is cry, my eyes burn every morning from the tears I cried the night before, my children cry for their sister they will never get to play with, my husband is angry at the world because our baby was taken away, everyone looks at me like I might die from sadness at any moment, every time I touch my belly I still think Ellie should be there, and all I want to do is crawl up in a tiny ball and cry. So I likely just say "okay" because that is easier to deal with. I don't have to hold back tears and relive every painful second of the previous week. But if anyone thinks I am just okay then they must be blind because my whole body shows signs of grief and exhaustion.