This is going to be a work in progress. Through my loss one thing I have found out that stillbirth is a very taboo subject. Death of a baby is not something anyone wants to talk about so because of that it is not something a lot of people know about. I have encountered some awkward situations and have been asked/told some very insensitive things. Like always I still try and see the good in people and assume that the reason for these insensitive questions/comments are lack of knowledge about the topic.
I will be updating this post as I think of more useful information. Please comment on this post or email me at kristinrdobson@hotmail.com if you have a question that you think might be helpful for me to answer for my readers.
1. Yes, I still had to have Eleanor. Just like a normal pregnancy I had to give birth to my angel. I didn't get to go into the hospital and just have her "taken out". Stillbirth is not a valid medical reason to have a cesarean section (in most all cases). In my case as with most I found out Eleanor had passed away before I was in labor. I was given the option to be induced immediately or to wait and try and go into labor on my own. I discussed my options with my OB and made a choice that I felt was right. Some women prefer to wait and have more time with their little one inside of them. For me I wanted to have her as soon as possible and meet her.
Like with my other living children I was medically induced. With minimal medical intervention I labored and delivered Eleanor, almost all natural. Yes, it was hard. Yes, it was sad. But I had to do it.
Unless a mother of a baby that has had a stillbirth offers up information or starts to talk about their labor and delivery experience it is best to not approach the subject unless you are a close friend/family, know the person and know that they are in a place where the questions will not do more harm than good. If the bereaved parent has told you that they do not mind answering questions or they on their own start talking about it please be sensitive. Please do not say "I don't know how you did it", because neither do they.
2. A baby that is stillborn most of the time is 100% healthy (without medical problems), which was Eleanor's case. Stillbirth can be caused by many factors and a lot of them time no actual medical reason is found. Eleanor's umbilical cord had a uterine fiber tying her cord off/cutting off her life supply.
When you find out someone you know has had a still birth please to not immediately inquire to the reason why. I had many people before and after I have birth to Ellie ask me "Oh my gosh WHAT HAPPENED?" In the beginning this question was extremely painful and caught me off guard. Now, almost two months later the question is still painful but I have had time to prepare an answer and talk about it with a little less pain.
Definitely a helpful idea in writing this, thank you.
ReplyDeleteAs for questions, what do you feel the best ways people can support you/be helpful from far away? Id love to actually do more for my loss friends than just thinking of them all of the time, but I can never really pin down a sound idea or I see that someone else may be already doing said idea.
Thinking of you always, toots <3